I’ve written so many people out of my life once I learn how they really are.
There’s always something that ticks me off about someone, then find they’re not worth having them in my life. Do you have an all “about me” attitude? Are you negative all the time? Overindulge in complaining and talking about other people? Are you very flaky? Are you fake & superficial? Are you always asking me for things? Ugh. I don’t want to talk to you again.
I’m not miss perfect, but I can be TOO nice. Sometimes I can’t say no, cos I don’t know how. I can be a bit of a pushover which I deeply hate about myself…
But I’m taking baby steps on improving. Maybe if I was stronger, I’d still have some of these people in my life cos they’d respect me more and not try to take advantage of me.
But fucking god damn, how hard is it to be nice and show a little respect/consideration?
I had this last friend that came to town for a visit, and one of the first things he did when we hung out was getting me to sign up for his marketing survey bullshit. I was clearly reluctant, and initially refused, but he did not. He wanted me to sign up so he can earn a couple dollars off me through his referral. Ick.
He also makes really boring art (low quality generic landmark photography), but went on about it for most of the night like it’s the best thing ever. I’m trying to lighten up the mood by showing him something I found hilarious, and he starts shoving mundane postcards of his art in my face. Come the fuck back down to earth.
I was glad he took a flight home early so I don’t have to see him again.
I wonder if I could ever be brave enough to find some good friends. Friends I can have quality hangs with, instead of waiting for degenerates to pick me.
I also wonder if I could ever be brave enough to be assertive.
I just need to get out more.