“I’m in love with a hooker”

I grew up thinking that all guys wanted was sex.
Growing up in high school, all the guys showed me just that.

Entering the escorting arena, I carried this very thought with me too. That it was all (take the money) then wham, bang, and thank you ma’am. But somewhere between the drop of the envelope, some superficial small talk, a round or two in the sheets… Feelings got caught. And they weren’t mine.

You’d think that things were clear after the cash has been exchanged, that it was gonna be nothing more than sexy fun in between the sheets.
I didn’t understand why men wanted to complicate something that’s meant to be simple, straightforward, and easy. Isn’t that what they wanted in the first place?
Like one of the reasons why men see escorts was because they’ve gone through the falling in love, and have settled nice and comfy with their wives and girlfriends… To the point that there was no more excitement in the bedroom.
I’m ALL for giving excitement, passionate sex, or playing the dirty schoolgirl slut. But what I’m not up for is getting nuked by the ‘L’ word.

Back in my agency days, I remember being in the arms of one of my regulars. We were standing face to face, eyes locked onto each other, almost touching lips when he said:
“I love you. It is what it is”.
Uhhh no it is not. You’ve got a wife and a family with kids my age. You pay me for my time. You should know what this relationship is. What we have will be nothing more.
Feeling really uncomfortable, I had to answer him quick. No way am I going to tell him I felt the same (I think it’s wrong to mislead clients for the sake of earning more money). I said “That is very sweet… I really enjoy spending time with you too”.
This regular client was called Robert (not his real name). It was only the beginning of our relationship, did it evolve very quickly into a sugar daddy relationship, even though it was never labeled that.
He would see me very often. I would spend my weekends, and sometimes a few days with him. I even went on a couple holidays with him overseas.
I really liked him in the beginning. I can even say infatuated because he was a nice looking guy, knew how to dress, very well spoken, chivalrous, and I liked his accent.

Then he got my personal number, and we started messaging each other without my agency passing on the messages to him. Then he’d start sending me messages when he was drunk, telling me his feelings towards me, and how jealous he feels knowing I might be dating someone else, and how he needs me to feel the same way towards him. He was getting real needy, and I needed a break from him. I really I did.
It got to the point when he’d see me every week, and I was so close to a mental breakdown. At that point, I wondered how in hell did gold diggers do it? These women marry, even have kids and dedicate years of their lives to get a piece of fortune. Thank god I had friends at the time that knew my situation, and was there to support me, and gave me some good pep talk. That this wasn’t going to last forever, and this is the best money that I’ll ever make. And it was true.
I was really raking it in. I’d be raking more in if I didn’t fake a few sickies from him.
Well, things eventually cooled down. The tables turned when it was my turn to get needy. Financially needy that is.
I told him I quitted the agency, and since he’s been seeing me for a while now, maybe he can help me out whenever he came to town. He initially agreed, but then he started paying me less whenever we saw each other. Then the meetings became less, and so did his messages.
It’s funny how it’s okay for someone to offer their help to you initially, and promise to help you. You’re polite about it, and refuse. But when the crunch comes, they don’t keep to their word.
I find this also happens a lot in everyday life. There’s always someone that says ‘oh my gosh, I’m so gonna do this for you/ask me for help anytime/we’re gonna hang out/whatever’, and they’re full of shit!

Anyway, I think after 2 and a half years, it was a nice finish to our relationship. I wanted it to end anyway, and I’m even surprised it lasted this long. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have experienced some of the finest things in life. Like staying in beautiful luxurious hotels, known what it’d be like to be in a private jet mid air, or own my very first car.

Now that I’m independent, I’m very much happier being an escort and seeing clients for short periods at a time vs spending a weekend with someone. It’s so mentally drainining.

Being in the sex industry has made me realise that men are just as emotional as women, and it is indeed more than sex. Men need just as much attention and affection. Behind their egos, sexual fantasies and erections… There’s a bit of loneliness/emptiness, and a need for some company. I guess that is why more men have depression over women.

No it is not. You’ve got a wife and a family with kids my age. You pay me for my time. What we have will be nothing more. You’re 30 years my senior, and even though I’m all for older men, I usually like to keep love interests close to my age bracket.
I didn’t understand why men wanted to complicate something that’s meant to be simple, straightforward, and easy. Isn’t that what they wanted in the first place?

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